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Few experts in education would disagree that modern children lack proper discipline. One of the many causes lies in the new role that women play in society. They work outside the home and spend little time with their children as compared to traditional women in the 50’s. Some mothers will argue that  when they get home, they are too tired to really enforce the rules. They will also state that they have no choice: The cost of living has risen so much that one salary will simply not suffice; finally, they argue with some justice that they are entitled to a career just as much as men.

So how can we obtain the necessary discipline from our children nowadays? As a high school teacher I have observed that most students fail academically because they simply have no idea how to organize their time. When they leave school, they leave everything behind, including their learning. Their free time is spent with buddies, watching TV, or partying with the girlfriend. Homework has become an anachronism. Studying outside of the school is simply not done and the main cause is the lack of discipline. Parents don’t have time to check or simply don’t have the skills to help with certain subjects.

The consequences of a lack of self-discipline can be catastrophic. What kind of job will tolerate coming in late and/or not being prepared to deliver projects on time? The only way a teen will learn self-discipline is in the military, where sergeants have all the power to impose their will, unlike parents and teachers. So it stands to reason that the learning process must start in childhood, preferably in pre-school with the support of parents. Since they don’t have the time to impose discipline, the teachers must take over with the parents’ consent. But on many occasions, irate mothers complain about schools’ punishments, especially toward small children. They fail to see that they themselves have created a spoiled little brat.

There are other causes for the the lack of self-discipline in children: Television fare is hardly conducive towards role models. The main message is Buy, Sell, Make Money, Have Sex and Be Self-Indulgent. What kind of society makes a spectacle out of eating hot dogs and applauds the ‘winner’? What kind of society glorifies two men beating each other to a pulp inside a cage? What kind of society watches with perverse delight the Jerry Springer show?

We are creating a new generation of obese, lazy, and self-indulgent individuals who refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They sue the tobacco companies for their own addiction, as if somebody had put a gun to their heads to start smoking. They sue McDonald’s for being fat after years of gorging themselves with fatty food. The nutty judge sues the dry cleaner for millions for a lost pair of pants. Pretty soon children will sue their parents for giving birth to them!

We must return to the old values of the 50’s:

1.Enforce your threats of punishment. There is nothing worse than a mother who constantly tells her kids that she will take away television time and doesn’t come through.

2.Establish a timeline for every activity: Home from school means homework time, no ifs and buts. To bed at 9:00 o’clock does not mean 9:10 or 9:30. On week-ends parents must limit their younger children’s TV time to 2 hours a day at the most. Find constructive activities for them outside the house.

3.Make sure you and your husband agree on discipline, so kids won’t be able to divide and conquer.

4.If you leave the kids with grandma or a maid, ask them to enforce the rules.

5.Kids love discipline, believe it or not. They know you are doing it because of love, not anger.

6.Punishment must be immediate or as soon as possible. They must understand that you won’t tolerate bad behavior. But it must also fit the ‘crime’; excessive or unfair punishment will cause resentment and will only drive them to more bad behavior. Above all, do not rule by fear; it is extremely destructive to the self-esteem of children.

7.Support your teachers’ decisions, even if you don’t agree with them. If you don’t, your child will use you as a weapon against the teacher.

8.Be fair with all siblings; any sign of  favoritism will cause internecine wars inside the family. The same ‘crime’ must derive into the same punishment.

9.Most important: Reward good behavior as often as possible. “Since you behaved very well all week, I am going to take you to x spectacle, or buy you the video game you want so bad.” Of course, not every reward has to be material. A gesture of affection, a kiss, a hug, they all work very well.

10.Listen to your children; what they say is important to them if not to you. They deserve all your attention. Forget the phone for a moment or the TV. Concentrate on what they want to confide. A good communication is essential in rearing children.

How far is the acceptable, when it comes to the level of discipline you would allow for a teacher to apply to your child? Some schools, especially private ones, allow considerably harsher punishments for misdemeanour, depending on the seriousness of the infringement. In many cases, parents encourage teachers to impose a stricter regime than would be applied at home.

The reasons for such tolerance on the part of the parents is usually sourced with the parents own incompetence at home and their own in adequacies as parents to retain acceptable control of their children. This division in standards does not seem to have an adverse effect upon children; the children simply adjust their behaviour between school and home. As long as the children understand there is a difference between what is acceptable at home and what is expected elsewhere, then why should there be a problem?

As a child of parents living overseas, the headmistress of the boarding school I attended was appointed my legal guardian. This gave her carte blanche to apply whatever disciplinary measures she thought fit. Luckily the lady was well adjusted, affectionate and kind. Had she not been my life might have been somewhat of a disaster for the ten months I spent in her care. The key is, of course, to carefully choose the establishment you send your children to, rather than lay down all kinds of rules about how they are allowed to treat your child.

Punishment, for some parents, equals torture for the child. Nothing could be further from the truth of course and only parents who display high levels of incompetence hold this opinion. As a child at school I was fully aware that if I left my bed unmade and my laundry unwashed it was likely I would be required to clean the chapel windows inside and out over two weekends and miss television. I did so often, cheerfully and in company with all the other kids who liked to trespass near the edge of the dormitory matron’s patience.

So many children live unhappily in the no man’s land between right and wrong, daily treading the path of wrong doing but going unpunished, never getting the guidance they so badly need to set them along the right road again. It would be wrong to suggest that kids enjoy punishment; they do not. They do, however, find strict guidance comforting. The perimeters are then laid out clearly and safely. Cause and effect is applied more easily by kids, i.e. if you do this or that, this or that will happen as a result. The formula, if you like, is then simple for them to understand and behave within the boundaries of what is allowed and what is not acceptable.

Parents who are unable to discipline their children need to rely more and more on the discretion of teachers to teach their child not only the basics of education but also fundamental social behaviour which will see them through life. If teachers are not allowed to pass on these skills to children without risking their jobs, where does this leave the kids? Someone has to teach our children right from wrong.

Dealing with a crashed baby or toddler can be difficult. Is there anything you can do when your small child you smell and thinks it's funny or permanent things they should not attack attack? Yes, it is an appropriate and effective way to discipline babies and young children when they misbehave.

Once your baby starts to bite and purposefully with the poor, it's time to let them know what's not okay to play to nine months or so, maybe a little bitSooner or later, depending on your child. It's about the time she starts to crawl.

One successful approach is the "no-no" approach, first of all say, "No, no," when the baby is no such thing as train on Mommy's jewelry, something in his mouth, that they should not put in the mouth, or even playful smack Mommy's face. If the child does not listen, and seems to act like she thinks she is playing with you, she was given a strict "no-no" and a little tug or agentle slap on the hand. This leads to a fit of tears, as a rule, but it's ok. You're not hurt her physically. Your ego is hurt and they can also be a little scared, but you can simply no reason, with a baby, so do not try! You have to communicate with her in a way that she understands, too.

Through a consistent application of "non-no" approach, it takes not even a small child very long to begin with the fact that "no means no understanding" to "something is not right, I better stop." The point islet your child know that when you say: "No, no need to change" their behavior immediately. If it does not, something worse than "no-no" will be the case.

This "no-no" approach is a proven method of training children to be well-behaved and obedient. Many parents just say, "no-no" a few times and never go further. Guess what? Their children do not listen to them. And do not listen to other adults their children will not either. It suggests problems in dealing withserious misconduct by the whole line.

If you are consistent and follow up to the little things like not let your baby tugs Mommy's jewelry, you are setting an important precedent that will help build a solid foundation for a well-disciplined child.