An all too common problem that many parents face these days is with adult children and money. The kids can’t wait to leave home once they’re eighteen, but these days many of them come back again. They also ask for money far too often. In fact, more and more grown children are even moving back in with Mom and Dad. Sometimes these grown children even have families of their own, and they move them in too.
Having grown children continually ask for money may be one of the most difficult situations for parents to handle. Sometimes for instance, the parents may be living on retirement income, which isn’t as much as they had when they were earning a steady paycheck. Even if they are still working, their finances may not be enough to provide much monetary support to grown children.
Unfortunately children don’t usually know their parents financial situation, even after they’ve grown up. They seem to assume that since Mom and Dad have always been able to pay for things, they can continue doing so indefinitely.
One excellent idea for breaking your child of the money asking habit though, is to sit them down and have an honest, adult conversation with them. If they’ve never been informed of their parents financial limitations and responsibilities, they might even appreciate being told about it. Most adult children appreciate being treated as adults too.
When you sit down to have this financial conversation though, explain to your children why you want to talk about it. Tell them you think they’re relying on you for money too often, and tell them if it’s putting a strain on you. If Mom and Dad are still working and bringing home a paycheck, explain to the adult children how much comes home with each check. Then go on to explain all the various financial responsibilities you have, and how much those cost each month.
As older adults with grown children for instance, you probably have mortgage payments, household insurance, life and health insurance, car payments and insurance, and possibly even old debts too. You also have utility bills, food bills, medical and pharmacy expenses and so on. As you get older, these types of bills increase, and that makes it more difficult to have your adult children asking for money often.
If your adult children are living with you, it becomes even more important for you to make them understand the concept of bills, income, and available funds. When adult children are living with their parents and still asking for money, that’s usually an indication that they haven’t matured as much as they should have by this point in their lives. You can help change that though.
Stop being shy and private about finances. When a bill arrives for instance, post it where everyone in the household can see it, or announce it to everyone at dinner time and then proceed to discuss “the numbers”. In other words, have open discussions about how much money comes in and when, what it has to go out for and when, and how much is left for food, gas, emergencies, fun, etc. By openly discussing money issues – particularly when you’re worried about them – the adult children start getting a better sense of how financial situations work in the adult world.
Last but not least: Don’t be afraid to tell your adult children no. If they’re asking for money too often, you need to draw a line that let’s them know they’re expected to stand on their own two feet. If you’re not comfortable with that, then you need to say “Yes, but…”. Make them work for the money in some way such as having them clean the garage, wash the car or mow the grass. If they complain that they’re being treated like a child then explain to them they’re acting like one by expecting you to hand money to them anytime they want.
